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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018628">Chicken Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeAbove/pseuds/KyeAbove'>KyeAbove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Children, And Now For Something Completely Different, Dorks, Falling In Love, Family Fluff, Gen, Humor, Kuroba Touichi Lives But At What Cost, M/M, Memes, Social Distancing Madness, Swearing, Texting, Twitter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:21:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeAbove/pseuds/KyeAbove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck inside due to social distancing rules, at least Kaito and Saguru can message each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hakuba Saguru/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>DCMK Fanfiction Discord Server Recommendations</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The video linked in this chapter does have a bit of flashing colors as a heads up if you check the video</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kuroba: My entire taste in music has devolved into variants of the coffin dance memes</p><p>Kuroba: watched a video of a guy doing the song with a rubber chicken and thought 'damn if that ain't a mood' </p><p>Hakuba: Kuroba it is 3:56:19 in the morning. Why are you texting me. </p><p>Kuroba:<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8S-kWHnlFs"> https://youtu.be/q8S-kWHnlFs</a></p><p>Hakuba: Oh, I feel a deep kinship with this.</p><p>Kuroba: Just use mood. Please, I'm begging you</p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba: What's a vibe check?<br/>
<br/>
Kuroba: :0 Do. You really need to know this kjdsjdskj</p><p>Hakuba: Hattori texted me and promised to 'vibe check' when he saw me next.</p><p>Kuroba: F</p><p>Hakuba: G</p><p>Kuroba: Hakuba, no. </p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba:  I can't tell if this cactus I own is losing layers or making babies in the soil. I also don't want to touch them cause what if it's babies and I harm them. </p><p>Kuroba: BABIES<br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: Upon closer inspection, it is fact babies. <br/>
<br/>
Kuroba: What a cruel world they have been born into. <br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: The panic of humanity, yet the pure unknowningness of a cactus<br/>
<br/>
Kuroba: Never thought I'd see the day you misquoted something. </p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba: I swear if I have to read the phrase "unprecedented times" again I might lose my fucking mind. If nothing else it brings my anxiety through the roof. Don't know why, but holy shit. Plus in all honesty they aren't really "unprecedented" times. In our lifetimes, sure, but humanity has faced far worse and come out on top, so like.. really</p><p>Kuroba: Scary virus make me the big sad. <br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>Kuroba: Mom's stuck in America so I have the whole house to myself, but its like...what do I do. I haven't seen anyone in over a month. The cracks in the walls are my friends. The doves speak to me now.<br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: I have adopted 10 cats. </p><p>Kuroba: 59 to go. <br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: No.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba: So, they're replacing the furnace and while I didn't hear everything since I was hiding in my room because people in my house scary, I did hear "what the hell??'" and 1969 as a date, so I think I know why the furnace always shut off.<br/>
<br/>
Kuroba: That's... Certainly a thing. Wow that’s a really old furnace. Like super old.<br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: I don't know if I heard right but I want to be right<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba: One of my new cats ate through a bag of buns so I was forced to eat a bunch of buns so I could close the bag over the hole he made and it was both worth it and not worth it since eating that much has made me sleepy.<br/>
<br/>
Kaito: What made it worth it. <br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: Jam. <br/>
<br/>
Kuroba: We've reached the point of narrating our daily tasks to each other. It's time. <br/>
<br/>
Hakuba: ?<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><em>Kuroba has changed his nickname to Kaito-chan<br/>
Kaito-chan has changed Hakuba's nickname to Vibe Check-san<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</em>Vibe Check-san: What the fuck Kuroba.</p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Haku-san: Why is one of your doves at my window. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Doves bring me my supplies. I want some fancy rich people coffee. </p><p>Haku-san: Italian roast?</p><p>Kaito-chan: Yes please. </p>
<hr/><p>Haku-san: Don't know what those people are yelling about. I'm never getting another haircut again in my life. </p><p>Kaito-chan: I just cut mine myself.</p><p>Haku-san: that makes a lot of sense actually. </p><p>Kaito-chan: hey! :&lt; also why won't you get your haircut. </p><p>Haku-san: Nice texture.. Also I ran out of hair gel last week and I am also not going to use that ever again. </p><p>Kaito-chan: :)</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: Don't take this is part of my KID confession since I'm not KID but I have all this extra jewelry making stuff and I've decided shiny beads make me very happy. </p><p>Haku-san: I have a bunch of old family gems if you need any centerpieces. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Oh, sure. </p><p>Haku-san: *Picture* I like this one. It glows red in the moonlight. </p><p>Kaito-chan: What the fukc. Give me that one. I'll send a dove.</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: So why are you realtively clean mouthed when I spoke to you before this whole thing but you swear a lot in texts now. Really, your entire texting voice sounds different. </p><p>Haku-san: Who is going to believe you if you tried to show anyone my texts to you. They'd think you faked them. The fact that I text you would already be unbelievable. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Fair point. </p><p>Haku-san: Aoko-kun blocked you, didn't she. </p><p>Kaito-chan: she is so cruel. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: okay. I have to know. Where does your meme and lingo of your actual age group and not the 1890s knowlege lay. You seem aware of some things but not everything. </p><p>Haku-san: I generally know most of the lingo and a lot of the jokes. I once said 'yeet' in front of Hattori and he freaked out. I missed Vine completely. TikTok is a song. </p><p>Kaito-chan: You're a fun person to talk to when you don't accuse me of being KID. </p>
<hr/><p>Haku-san: I got more cats. They come to my window and then I snag them </p><p>Kaito-chan: when will it end. </p><p>Haku-san: When my father realizes it's not the same two cats running around the mansion. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Haku-san: Aoko messaged me.</p>
  <p>Kaito-chan: Tell her she is a cruel mistress. </p>
</blockquote><blockquote><p>Haku-san: She hears you singing Poker Face all the way from her house. She wants you to quiet down a bit.</p><p>Kaito-chan: telll her to not be a coward and unblock me and tell me that herself. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Nvrmind, she just tossed a broom through my window. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: how is your bird?</p><p>Haku-san: She's doing fine. She's not to pleased with the new arrangement. The cats bring her offerings though, and it's mildly concerning. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Well, Watson is queen so of course she deserves all gifts. </p><p>Haku-san: yes.</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: You brought up your plant/cactus and also you always had a lot of different teas in class, so did you like, buy all that tea or does your apparent ability to keep plants alive include growing plants for tea. </p><p>Haku-san: I grow a lot of my own tea, yes. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Do you have anything that could help me fall asleep? </p><p>Haku-san: okay. Are you talking a nice calming sleep, with pleasent dreams, or 'knock me out for 14 hours and have no memory of anything between taking the first sip and waking up sprawled on your bed unable to move easily'</p><p>Haku-san: Actually never mind I'll give you the chamomile. </p><p>Kaito-chan: No. Getting knocked out for 14 hours sounds great. What's the tea. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Haku-chan tell me the tea.</p><p>Kaito-chan: Stop ignoring me! </p><p>Kaito-chan: Tea!</p>
<hr/><p>Haku-san: My father has come to the conclusion that I have three cats now. </p><p>Kaito-chan: Tea. </p><p>Haku-san: when it's actually 15. </p><p>Kaito-san: Is your special interest cats or taking care of things in general. I always assumed it was detectives. </p><p>Haku-san: It is. But just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I can't like more than just detectives. Do you only hyperfixate on shinny things and information I refuse to tell you for your own safety? Without ever showing any side interest in anything else? </p><p>Kaito-chan: Tea. </p><p>Haku-san: You are unbelievable sometimes Kuroba. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito-chan: Hey. Open your window. </p><p>Haku-san: Why? </p><p>Kaito-chan: So you know how my dad is dead. </p><p>Haku-san: Your tragic backstory, yes. </p><p>Kaito-chan: He's currently in my kitchen. He apparently faked his death and now thinks a pandemic is the perfect time to catch up. </p><p>Kaito-chan: So I am now going to quarantine with you and your rich people coffee and mysterious NyQuil seeming tea whether you like it or not. </p><p>Haku-san: I have unlocked the window and am already brewing the coffee. You need it. </p><p>Kaito-san: :&gt;</p><p>
    <em>Kaito-chan has changed Haku-san's nickname to Haku-chan. </em>
  </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know exactly what tea Saguru is withholding and I don't know if anyone could guess what it is.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: I am lost. </p><p>Haku-chan: I literally have an entire everything you'd need right in my area of the house. Why would you leave.</p><p>Kaito: I wanted to find your tea plants so I can find your NyQuill tea. </p><p>Kaito: But your house is so fucking big. </p><p>Kaito: Your dad seems nice although shocked to see me.</p><p>Kaito: Saguru, this man assumes your ace ass is straight. </p><p>Haku-chan: I know. He still expects grandkids. </p><p>Kaito: Does 16 cats count?</p><p>Haku-chan: No, I'm actually pretty sure this new creature is a dog. </p><p>Kaito: If you say so.</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Still lost. </p><p>Kaito: hey after this is over let's run off to France together and become distant but rich wine aunts to Aoko's future kids</p><p>Haku-chan: Fair. </p><p>Kaito: Good, good.</p><p>Kaito: I found your greenhouse. Gee you have a lot of plants. </p><p>Kaito: Aw, cute. You grow catnip. </p><p>Haku-chan: yes. For the cats. </p><p>Kaito: and the weird dog too? </p><p>Haku-chan: maybe. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I mean, I know it's cause secretly you're a decent person, but I'm glad you don't overly mock my ADHD unless it's for comedy I'm in on. I really like that. Most forgive the hyperactivity and then get annoyed at me for everything else. Like, my fixation on this mystery tea. You seem  more amused than anything. </p><p>Kaito: And you don't get mad at me when I can't understand instructions. </p><p>Kaito: You even put on the subtitles without me asking! Just, I like that you actually bother to acknowledge ADHD isn't just being hyperactive and distracted. </p><p>Haku-chan: Kaito, yes I am a decent person when it comes to that and always will be. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Okay, so I have a huge phobia of fish. </p><p>Haku-chan: Oh no. I'll come get you. </p><p>Kaito: yeah, outside that room</p><p>Kaito: so yes I was snooping around, realized I was back in your area and I heard weird noises behind a door. </p><p>Haku-chan: the tank filters</p><p>Kaito: and I opened the door and there were all these....finny things! I freaked out. But my 'babies' response also kicked in cause oh my gosh Saguru, you have baby fish, right? </p><p>Haku-chan: Yes. Recently I paired up my nicest Betta fish and those are the results. </p><p>Kaito: that'd be so much cooler if I wasn't terrified of fish. </p><p>Haku-chan: If it helps even just a little, I now have 69 Betta fish. </p><p>Kaito: :0 Nice.</p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Betta are one of my minor fixations so I felt a strong need to have a fish moment.  No, I do not have 69 of them, but it is a dream of mine one day to have the space for that many.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: Did you drug me</p>
  <p>Saguru: No that's The Tea</p>
  <p>Kaito: Tea! :)</p>
  <p>Saguru: I'm braving the outside right now to buy us more food since I don't want Baaya to go outside since she's old and I don't want my father to know how much junk food I eat. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Stay safe. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Saguru was that tea catnip. </p>
  <p>Kaito: It smells like catnip. </p>
  <p>Kaito: How would you discover something like this</p>
  <p>Kaito: I'm entirely covered in purring cats. I love it but what have you done.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: So this is in fact a dog. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Or a cat that plays fetch. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Oh. Okay. I'll pick up dog toys.</p>
  <p>Kaito: How attached were you to the rug in your room? </p>
  <p>Saguru: oh dear. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: Do you prefer your rings shinny or colorful? Currently haggling with another witch for her stash of bread yeast and her offer comes with a free ring. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Its cursed either way</p>
  <p>Kaito: Tough choice...Shinny</p>
  <p>Kaito: What are you selling anyways. Your soul? </p>
  <p>Saguru: How silly. I don't have one. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Why not? <br/><br/>Saguru: Witches have no souls. </p>
  <p>Kaito: ....</p>
  <p>Kaito: Suddenly you make a lot more sense. So does Koizumi.</p>
  <p>Kaito: Still, what are you selling. <br/><br/>Kaito: If you don't tell me this will haunt me forever.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: I found your AO3</p>
  <p>Saguru: Oh fuck no. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Do you like, dumb down your writing for fanfiction. I've seen your novel drafts and those are half decent while your Holmes/Watson fics feel like your one percent. </p>
  <p>Saguru: I post my first draft, whereas my in-progress novels are hours of research and effort and love. Fanfiction is fun but I do it more when I'm bored, and want to have fun with my writing instead of just looking at a blank screen. </p>
  <p>Kaito: You haven't updated anything since the day before I moved into your bedroom.</p>
  <p>Kaito: Wait. Awe...:)</p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If by some chance you feel you need to try catnip tea after this, know that it can have side effects and all personal research should be done before trying it since it can effect people in different ways.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: It seems like a guy can't wear a ring from his quartiene buddy without his wonderful mother making assumptions. </p>
  <p>Saguru: I can see your laptop through the balcony window. She seems annoyed you're texting me. </p>
  <p>Kaito: She is. But this is like, the first time in two weeks that she's bothered to video call me so I'm sure we both have better things to be doing. But she's my mom and I can't just hang up on her. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Why not.</p>
  <p>Saguru: Send her the coffin dance meme </p>
  <p>Kaito: Darn it. She thought it was funny. </p>
  <p>Saguru: <a href="https://youtu.be/ZtjFsQBuJWw">https://youtu.be/ZtjFsQBuJWw</a></p>
  <p>Saguru: This is you right now.</p>
  <p>Kaito: Saguru, you understand me. You really do.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: We will never be able to go back to how things used to be. I mean, the amount of blackmail we'd have on each other would just be unfair. If people found out, they may try to get us to talk.</p>
  <p>Saguru: Running away to France will allow us to save face. </p>
  <p>Kaito: !!!!!</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: ☠️ Apparently mom video chats with Aoko every couple days. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Damn. At least my mother had the decency to tell me to my face she doesn't like my company.</p>
  <p>Kaito: Ouch. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: let's get pet chickens when we go to France. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Post virus is chicken time. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I eagerly await chicken time. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: So how long will this curse last.</p>
  <p>Saguru: Whenever you decide to take off the ring. </p>
  <p>Kaito: But it shiny. :(</p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: OwO</p>
</blockquote><p>Saguru looked beside himself at the blue eyed tabby cat sitting in front of Kaito's phone, very unimpressed. </p>
<p>"Nothing else amuses you more than the fact that you can still text, doesn't it." </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: I am going uwu to miwk dis fur aww that it is wowth.</p>
</blockquote><p>Saguru coughed roughly as his breathing stopped in his shock. He put his phone down and grabbed Kaito's paw, and removed the ring, which returned to its proper size just as Kaito did. </p>
<p>"But that was fun, Rue." Kaito tried to reach for the ring once more, but Saguru tossed it. And threw it out the window.</p>
<p>"Well, that was just mean. I liked being cursed." </p>
<p>"I do not agree."</p><hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: Geeze, your family has a lot of gems.</p>
  <p>Saguru: Stop leaving the area.</p>
  <p>Saguru: What did you end up doing with the one I gave you. </p>
  <p>Kaito: :( I broke it. But I managed to make a cool wrap charm bracelet with the pieces. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Shit, most of my stuff is still at my house. I am gonna go there quickly and hope my dad isn't contagious. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Come back soon. I found us another TV show you may like. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Nice! </p>
</blockquote><hr/>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: Much bastard is contained in the Toichi. </p>
<p>Kaito: He didn't do anything while I was gone, I'm just still mad. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: In hindsight it was kinda weird I kept a full length photo of my father in my bedroom. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: I do take after him a lot though so I think I'll just put a photo of myself here and nobody would notice the change. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: Hey why don't you look anything like your father. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: Wait. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: Is that a sensitive subject.<br/>
<br/>
Saguru: No, its not. I've had my DNA tested. I know the truth. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: What is it. <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: Not telling. <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: You sure like your secrets. <br/>
<br/>
</p><hr/>
<p>Kaito: How about a secret for a secret? <br/>
<br/>
Kaito: I am in fact Kaitou KID. Now tell me the truth about your DNA test. <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: I already knew you're KID. Try another secret.<br/>
<br/>
Kaito: Oh come on, you already know my entire life story. <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: Its a secret. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A shorter part since I'm running out of jokes to make.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Saguru: It finally dawned on me that you confirming you're KID has proven how much this thing changed everything. In the past I would have thought to report you, now all I care about is what to eat next. </p>
  <p>Kaito: ain't that a mood</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Disappointed but not surprised. </p>
  <p>Saguru: What did you dad do? </p>
  <p>Kaito: Father stands for 'emotional distance' </p>
  <p>Kaito: He legit can't understand why I'm so upset. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Like, yeah. My goal as KID was to try to bring his killers to justice, but now I just wanna yell at Snake for messing up the shot. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Dark but true. </p>
  <p>Kaito: one moment actually. </p>
  <p>Saguru: ?</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Can I steal your credit card information? </p>
  <p>Saguru: I honestly thought you'd already done so. </p>
  <p>Kaito: but like, with permission </p>
  <p>Saguru: Sure. Why. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I'm gonna start shit. :) </p>
  <p>Kaito: Where do rich people get their gift baskets from? I'm going to send Snake a gift basket and have it sent under my dad's name. </p>
  <p>Saguru: You're crazy and I love it. </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: when are you coming home </p><p>Kaito: aw, do you miss me? </p><p>Saguru: Surprisingly, yes. Plus you've been gone the night and the mail arrived. Some of your questionable online purchases arrived. </p><p>Kaito: Oh! Nice. </p><p>Saguru: Hopefully that box is worth my stolen credit card details </p><p>Kaito: It is craft stuff. Of course it's worth it. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I am almost done packing. Am still figuring out how to move all this stuff while avoiding my dad and in the middle of a pandemic. </p><p>Saguru: take your time dear</p><p>Kaito: 🧐</p><p>Saguru: Too far? </p><p>Kaito: Nah, just trying to picture us saying stuff like that to each other during a heist. Shit's hilarious. </p><p>Kaito: I don't know if we'll ever do another one though </p><p>Saguru: Sad. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Sometimes I dream of kissing you under the moonlight.</p><p>Saguru: ?</p><p>Kaito: But now since I think I spent way too much time around my dad I will have to stay in my own part of the mansion and stay two meters apart cause we ain't gay. That meme was foreshadowing.</p><p>Saguru: I faintly recall it. Plus we're not gay. We're both 'bi ace disasters' as you said once. </p><p>Kaito: You know it! :D</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I'm in love with the moon. </p><p>Saguru: Come home. :&lt;</p><p>Kaito: Amazing. You're sort of learning text talk. I'm proud. Prouder than I am to exist under the moon. She doesn't return my calls.</p><p>Saguru: That's rough, buddy.</p><p>Kaito: Is that a reference. </p><p>Saguru: Come home and you'll see. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Unknown Number: Let's call a truce. </p><p>Kaito: What the fuck who is this. </p><p>Unknown Number: I am Snake. I'm an enemy of your father's and I heard from my contacts that you hate your dad. I have an offer. </p><p>Kaito: Go on. </p><p>
    <em>Kaito has changed Unknown Number to OGToichiHater</em>
  </p><p>OGToichiHater: I got a gift basket from him this morning and I am livid. Could you do something for me? </p><p>Kaito: Purghaps. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I just got a call from my criminal brother. What did you do???</p><p>Kaito: You have a criminal for a brother? You. A detective. I am. Shocked. </p><p>Saguru: Not the point. What did you do. </p><p>Kaito: Turns out dad wears briefs. And is currently hanging from a flag pole by them. Tied up and gagged with a sign that says 'I am Kaitou KID'</p><p>Kaito: *Picture* It is my greatest work. </p><p>Saguru: I'm so proud. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Just thinking of how buffets will be a thing of the past. </p><p>Kaito: I once ate so much at one that I terrified a waitress and then passed out for four hours. </p><p>Saguru: The traditional date itself will be a thing of the past. </p><p>Kaito: Speaking of dating...</p><p>Saguru: Not now Kaito. Let's have that conversation after the pandemic is closer to over. </p><p>Kaito: Smart. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Was walking up to the mansion. And I found the ring. </p><p>Saguru: No.</p><p>Kaito: But hear me out. We put it on one of the cats and see what happens. </p><p>Saguru: No. </p><p>Kaito: The dog?</p><p>Saguru: No?</p><p>Kaito: Watson then. Either she becomes a cat or a human and that makes it easier to cuddle her. </p><p>Saguru: 🙃</p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All the MK organization based fics I've been writing lately inspired this. If you really wanna fully understand a couple of the more niche jokes in this fic, keeping up with my more serious stories is a great help since I tend to grab from my other fics a bit to parody elements. Plus I plan to write a few of the scenarios in this fic out into full stories so keep an eye out for those. Most should be adapted to my series Family Or Faith, where the joke on Saguru's parentage is already a story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In which I keep having to think of ways to keep the texting aspect going.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: Social distancing for 2 weeks after spending weeks just chilling with you will be weird. My dad better not have had the c-word. </p><p>Kaito: How is it going with Watson? </p><p>Saguru: Still trying to get her stay still long enough to get the ring on her talons. </p><p>Saguru: Gave up on that a bit ago though and an now dying my hair blue. </p><p>Kaito: Has anyone except me, Baaya, and maybe your father seen you since the emergency started. </p><p>Saguru: I don't think so. </p><p>Kaito: You went into this pandemic looking like the average rich snob and now you're going to leave it with a ponytail, blue hair, and a pandemic husband. </p><p>Saguru: Social distancing has done wonders for me since I no longer care about social. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Snake is my new dad. </p><p>Saguru: Who.</p><p>Kaito: The guy who was trying to kill me as KID. But now I'm no longer KID and he hates Toichi too and we've called a truce. </p><p>Saguru: Does he know about this. </p><p>Kaito: Nope. </p><p>Saguru: Oh dear.</p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Vacuuming is always interesting because it's like, what do you mean all that was in the carpet???</p><p>Kaito: It's a freaking surprise every time.</p><p>Saguru: I think the dust fairies are sneaking into our house.</p><p>Kaito: What dusty fiends. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Quarantine Level; making my own paper pulp out of a bunch of old paper so that I can make my own paper and then a notebook because I have ran out of unused ones</p><p>Kaito: rip</p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Wait. This is harder then I thought it'd be. I think I'll just order notebooks online instead.  </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've become obsessed with blue haired Saguru from my story Stockholmes so I'm now giving him blue hair here cause it's part of this madness to mess with one's hair.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: Update your Holmes/Watson fic. </p><p>Saguru: No. I'd much rather fight god. </p><p>Saguru: Writing is hard, okay? Even when I'm just bullshitting my skills. </p><p>Kaito: Work on your novel then.</p><p>Saguru: what fuckery is that. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Come on. Who is your actual dad. Actually Hakuba-san? Santa? God? </p><p>Saguru: The mailman. </p><p>Kaito: What. No. It can't be that bland. Since you won't take this seriously, I will myself have to fight god and get my answer. </p><p>Saguru: If you say so. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I got the ring on Watson the bird. </p><p>Kaito: :D And?!</p><p>Saguru: She turned human. A little child. Little child Watson. </p><p>Kaito: Amazing. </p><p>Saguru: I want four. No, five. Five kids now. </p><p>Kaito: Ok. </p><p>Saguru: If you still adore me as you do when the Pandemic Madness has left us we are adopting five kids. </p><p>Kaito: Sounds fair enough. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Waiting for packages sucks. Like, I know we're not the only ones ordering stuff and it's very precious humans sending us the stuff, but my mind also thinks.. packig. where packig</p><p>Saguru: we did get mail today but nothing for you. </p><p>Kaito: So sad. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: A moth got into the room. A room with 15 cats. I barely mad it out of there alive. </p><p>Saguru: Now chilling in the finny things room with the dog and Watson. </p><p>Saguru: Oh. Looks like I have some surprise fish. I thought those two were both females</p><p>Kaito: I desperately wish I didn't have a phobia right now or else I'd ask for photos.  </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This part is dedicated to the giant moth currently in my apartment. I don't have 15 cats but I have two and they are very happy about the mothy guest</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: Do you wanna do anarchy. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Every day, yes. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Okay, so I'm planning to prank Aoko but while social distancing. Got any ideas.  </p>
  <p>Saguru: You could always show Aoko the results of my DNA test. </p>
  <p>Kaito: How is that a prank. </p>
  <p>Saguru: *Picture*</p>
  <p>Kaito: 😨</p>
  <p>Kaito: No, I am not using that. </p>
  <p>Saguru: oh. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Don't worry babe, we can brain storm together. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: Has Aoko even unblocked you yet? </p>
  <p>Kaito: no. That's why I need your help. </p>
  <p>Saguru: She says she'll unblock you as long as the prank is good. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh no. Now we have to hit high standards. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Tragic. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: The cats are still chasing that poor moth.  </p>
  <p>Saguru: Watson though seems distracted by the fish so that's good.</p>
  <p>Saguru: I always worried about having to part with her but now if she wants to stay like this I can have her in my life forever. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Wait. Parenthood is hard. What do you feed children. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Cookies. Trust me on that. </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: I do have one question about your dad before we let that plotline rest. Why choose a pandemic to come out of hiding,</p><p>Kaito: No, no more of that plot. The new cool thing is how the fuck is Aoko's dad your dad??????</p><p>Saguru: Well, when a cold hearted bitch and guy meet at a party...</p><p>Saguru: I don't actually know the full story. </p><p>Saguru: But believe me my mental thoughts on the matter are just a constant stream of 'FUCK'</p><p>Kaito: Sometimes it do be like that. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: So, now I've found your AO3</p><p>Kaito: :( </p><p>Saguru: You're one of my favourite authors, dammit. This is amazing. </p><p>Kaito: Oh, wow! :D</p><p>Saguru: Now I can return your harassment over my Holmes/Watson fic.  When are you going to update that fic from 2016. You know the one.</p><p>Kaito: D:</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Sleep is great. Going to sleep and waking up, not as much, but the actual act is fun. <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: I'm a lucid dreamer so often I get emotional when a good dream ends. Its like losing friends. </p><p>Kaito: OH. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru:  Don't you hate living through history? 2020 is going to be taught in history classes.<br/>
<br/>
Kaito: We'll tell our grandkids we spent the plague growing as people and loving junk food. <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: A mood. <br/>
 </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: I have a question. </p><p>
    <em>  </em>
  </p><p>Saguru: How did you tweet from the fridge. </p><p>Kaito: It's a secret. </p><p>Saguru: oh bother. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Another thing I think I'll miss is being KID honestly. Like, not the crime time aspect but the heists. </p><p>Saguru: You could always bank on your dad's arrest and do shows mocking him in the KID suit. </p><p>Kaito: A valid idea. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I still don't know how to prank Aoko. </p><p>Saguru: Maybe with memes.</p><p>Kaito: What even are the current memes aside from 2020 Sucks memes. </p><p>Saguru: Not sure. </p><p>Kaito: Memes, if you're out there! Please come home!</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I walked into the kitchen to send another tweet, and Snake was just..there. </p><p>Kaito: I do have a new dad now.</p><p>Kaito: Actually maybe I do miss the crime of being KID </p><p>Saguru: Oh no. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>
    
  </p>
<p>
    
  </p>
<p>
    
  </p>
<p>
    
  </p><hr/>
<p>Kaito: I hate to say it but I think you win </p>
<p>Saguru: Nice. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: Aoko has now blocked me everywhere. The prank was a success. </p><p>Kaito: we will grow to regret this but it was fun while it lasted. </p><p>Kaito: Did I corrupt you or wear you secretly always this way. </p><p>Saguru: A little bit of both</p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I am going shopping again because the junk food stash is running a little low and the next online order won't be here for a couple more days. Want anything right now? </p><p>Kaito: Tampons. </p><p>Saguru: Anything else? </p><p>Kaito: A pony. And mental stability.</p><p>Saguru: I don't have enough money in the world to buy you that.</p><p>Kaito: :(</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I hope we never run out of catnip. I don't think I'll know how to function without it.</p><p>Saguru: We have all the catnip in the world. </p><p>Kaito: Unless all 15 cats make it back outside and find the greenhouse, then it's all over. </p><p>Saguru: Don't speak nightmares Kaito. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Why do rich people need everything to be online. I just tweeted from the coffee maker for crying out loud. I'm proud but also so very confused. </p><p>Saguru: I don't know. I am rich people and even I don't know. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Saguru: Happy birthday, Kaito</p>
  <p>Kaito: Thanks dear. This timeline is weird but I'm glad to spend it with you. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Good. So I was thinking more about us. </p>
  <p>Saguru: More about that running away to France joke between us. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh?<br/>
<br/>
Saguru: My family owns a villa there. It's very set apart from anything else but close enough to civilization that we could still receive our online shopping. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Could I still text from weird places? <br/>
<br/>
Saguru: None of our electronics will be online unless its a normal function. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh my gosh, I love that idea. Miss it, even. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Us, five kids, and no other adult supervision. Chickens.</p>
  <p>Saguru: I'll have to find a way to move all my stuff and all my pets but I'm rich so it should be easy. Oh, and your doves too. We must take them as well. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I'd like that. Do you love me? </p>
  <p>Saguru: I love you very much. I'll certainly kiss you under the moonlight after you've done your isolating. </p>
  <p>Kaito: :D</p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that is the end of the first wave. I kinda feel that the virus has run its course in terms of being able to capture that vibe this fic once had, and at least until the second wave I'd like to put this to rest because I ran out of jokes awhile back. I would say to check out my other DCMK fics as a general thing if you liked this but I tend to write very niche and weird concepts so there is many kinds of plots to be found there, and some might not be for everybody. But if you like dark or just generally random topics I may just be the gal you've been looking for.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Second wave, babes!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you've followed me for a bit, you may have noticed I went off the deep end. As evidenced by my Tom and Jerry fic Give You What You Like and whatever the King of Bones AU has become. That's the true sign. Second Wave of the pandemic is here and I'm still out of jokes but I have much more feralness to power me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: We really as a society went from soft friendship and love at the beginning of this whole mess to utterly destroying each other, huh. </p><p>Kaito: Do you mean Animal Crossing verses Among Us or the general state of things? </p><p>Saguru: A little bit of both. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Where did you go this time? </p><p>Kaito: Lost in the house again. </p><p>Saguru: But you've been living here most of the pandemic? How could you be lost ever? </p><p>Kaito: Have you seen the size of your house rich boy?</p><p>Saguru: Touche. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Am outside the finny things room and gosh I wish I didn't have serious trauma related to fish. You make the babies sound so cute. </p><p>Kaito: I say things like this a lot but have I ever mentioned I love you specifically for treating my phobia with respect? Like, you clearly love your pets but you also let me have my phobia in peace and aren't trying to force me to just get over it like it's easy. </p><p>Saguru: ❤️</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Did you ever tell Aoko you two are related? </p><p>Saguru: ...one moment. </p><p>Kaito: The suspense is killing me. </p><p>Saguru: she hasn't texted me back. :&lt;</p><p>Kaito: It's been two minutes. she's probably sleeping. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Life is meaningless and love is dead. </p><p>Kaito: Aoko still hasn't texted you back?</p><p>Saguru: No, our dog just buried my pocket watch in the yard.  </p><p>Kaito: Tragic. </p><p>Kaito: Since it hasn't snowed yet I'm ordering us lawn darts for one last bit of outdoor fun. </p><p>Saguru: One of us is going to lose an eye and it's probably going to be me. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Snake and I plan to abolish the criminal justice system. You will be spared because apparently Snake is dating your criminal brother.  </p><p>Saguru: I didn't know Snake's standards were that low. </p><p> </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never played Animal Crossing or Among Us and have zero plans to ever do so but the memes have been great.</p><p>"Saguru: One of us is going to lose an eye and it's probably going to be me" - I am allowed one Coronation Day joke, as a treat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This part makes the most sense if you know out of personal choices I write Kaito as one year younger than Shinichi and Saguru one year younger than Kaito. Aside from that nothing else needed from here. Just a quick bit about family.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: let's adopt Edogawa Conan. </p><p>Saguru: you mean the tiny Kudo? He's like two years older than me. Would be weird to adopt him. </p><p>Kaito: wait what. </p><p>Saguru: Hattori constantly calls him Kudo, he looks exactly like kudo, he talks like a detective, and also there is no way two identical people share the same exact curse. </p><p>Kaito: please, tell me more. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: okay. I was half joking about us adopting again so young.  Why is there a blond kid sitting in our room playing our Switch with Watson  You didn't shrink too did you? Where are you. </p><p>Saguru: At the store. Apparently children need more than just cookies. </p><p>Kaito: damn. Watson will be sad. But no really, why the kid. </p><p>Kaito: excuse me but I believe this household only calls for one child of an international criminal. </p><p>Saguru: But Kenta's adoption papers made him look so sad. </p><p>Kaito: oh my god. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Watson says to get her cucumbers. She must really like veggies. Never seen that in a kid before. </p><p>Saguru: cucumbers are a fruit. </p><p>Kaito: no they're not. </p><p>Saguru: They are. Watson likes fruit, not veggies. </p><p>Kaito: Mood. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Kenta is too good at Mario Kart and I demand a replacement. </p><p>Saguru: don't be such a heartless loser. </p><p>Kaito: Kudo would at least pretend to let me win to keep up his dumb child persona. Kenta meanwhile is a future criminal mastermind. </p><p>Saguru: You talk like I can't see your posts about how proud your are of your 'new son boy' </p><p>Kaito: Dratz. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Aoko texted me back. </p><p>Kaito: And? </p><p>Saguru: Hattori says that 'flex' is in fact the correct word to use here. </p><p>Saguru: so I'm going to flex that I have a sibling and you don't. I'm happy. </p><p>Kaito: I'm happy too! Love you! </p><p>Kaito: And I'm living for this 'criminal older foster brother' erasure. </p>
<hr/><p> Kaito: Wait when did you start texting Hattori.</p><p>Saguru: No comment.</p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A very special chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The funniest thing about doing a story where<br/>nearly everything happens on Twitter is that I have never have had Twitter personally in my life, so, 🙃</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Kaito: ❤️</p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>Kaito: this is making me emotionally emotional.  </p>
  <p>Kaito: I started out the year hating you and now you've changed your Twitter name to my family name. </p>
  <p>Kaito: honestly couple goals and when we finally get to France I think you're obligated to actually marry me. </p>
  <p>Saguru: love you too. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Aoko: You and Kaito are so sweet~!</p>
  <p>Saguru: Hattori says it makes him gag. </p>
  <p>Saguru: I think he's just upset Kudo never returns his calls. </p>
  <p>Aoko: isn't that guy dead</p>
  <p>Saguru: no, last I heard he was on a tough case. </p>
  <p>Saguru: wait a moment. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Hattori: hey you. </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>Hattori: I know you did this. </p>
  <p>Hattori: stop ignoring me. </p>
  <p>Hattori: bruh. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Edogawa Conan: what did Shinichi-nii-san ever do to you. </p>
  <p>
    <em>Hakuba Saguru has changed Edogawa Conan's nickname to Kudo</em>
  </p>
  <p>Kudo: 😨</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: Did you know that causing problems on purpose is actually very delightful. </p>
  <p>Kaito: this is also couples goals, honestly.  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Saguru's background photo is of my cats although one is mostly cut off in the pic. Shameless plug, but if you find them cute they occasionally pop up on my tumblr @kyeabove<br/>Or if you're more interested in my DCMK stuff I have a side blog for it @kaitoukye</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>#RIPKudoShinichi continues to trend.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope that nobody minds me occasionally changing up the style. I feel it keeps things a little fresher.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>"Is it still children of the corn out there?" Saguru asked as he loaded up his nerf gun. Kaito was doing the same with his card gun. Kaito glanced between the curtains, feeling the murderous rage seeping in, staring then down. </p><p>The shrunken Kudo Shinichi was standing in their front yard with his glasses tilted to reflect the moonlight. A gentle wind blew his hair, and no doubt the wind resistance was the only reason the window wasn't smashed at that very moment by the soccer ball under Kudo's foot. The wind had gifted them mere minutes to prepare while Kudo judged his next move. </p><p>"He is." </p><p>"He better social distance." </p><p>"I think that's what the ball is for."</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Saguru: In a surprise twist of events I am the one stuck on the roof. </p>
  <p>Kaito: oh </p>
  <p>Kaito: I'll be there soon.  </p>
  <p>Saguru: Lovely. </p>
  <p>Kaito: For a so called upholder of the law, Kudo scary.  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>
  
</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Saguru: And you wanted to adopt him </p>
  <p>Kaito: As a joke. His adoption rights have been revoked. </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's some minor ShinRan here but if it's not your thing take it as merely the characters joking or just as friendship</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I still don't know how we managed to take down two criminal organizations from the comfort of our couch." Saguru grabbed a bag of chips and then leaned into Kaito's side. "I guess my brother was useful after all." </p><p>"I know, right? The things we'll do to get Kudo off our backs. He still pissed me off so I'm debating telling his girlfriend about his little secret." </p><p>"That would be a low blow."</p><p>"So was his soccer ball."</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Hakubastard: Do you want me to remove your curse?</p>
  <p>Kudo: I was actually shrunk by a pill so there's no curse to remove. </p>
  <p>Hakubastard: No I mean the one that makes you discover so many corpses. </p>
  <p>Kudo: Wait what. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kudo❤️: Honestly what is Hakuba. Stuck up jerk? Socially awkward as all hell and unaware when he's being mean? </p>
  <p>Hattori: Story of my life, Kudo.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: I think if I show up to my meeting with Kudo wearing the OwO mask he will break.</p>
  <p>Kaito: I also have a cat eared headband. </p>
  <p>Saguru: perfect. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kudo❤️: Hattori please tell Ran I love her because I feel I must walk the world alone to think over whether I just saw Hakuba Saguru in cat ears. </p>
  <p>Hattori: I think he's a Kuroba now, isn't he?</p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: Not that I'm complaining but why are there so many ice pops in the freezer?</p><p>Saguru: Do you ever get so caught up in the euphoria of finding something that had temporarily disappeared from store shelves either due to bulk buying or safety measures slowing down production. </p><p>Saguru: Not that human lives are less important than ice pops. </p><p>Saguru: And when you find them you buy ten boxes forgetting until you're unloading at home that other people exist. </p><p>Kaito: I love you. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Why is the couch moved? </p><p>Kaito: Susie kept making leaps of faith at the window to try and catch my doves. I love that cat but my doves are my babies. </p><p>Saguru: why is the couch on the other side of the room. How did you move it. </p><p>Kaito: And then Kenta tried to do the same. He is feral, no concept of the future, only tasty bird. Was a very eventful day while you were gone shopping.  :)</p><p>Saguru: Kaito. </p><p>Kaito: :)</p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I brought all my indoor  plants into the kitchen since I'm doing a day of packaging teabags and thought of changing out some pots, and I think I have a problem. </p><p>Kaito: I would say your special interest has shifted during this pandemic. You didn't have this many plants at the start. I specifically remember the time you figured out how to order plants online. </p><p>Saguru: Possibly.  </p><p>Kaito: Meanwhile I have remained fixated solely on beads and tea.  </p><p>Saguru: Yes, I specifically remember the day you stole my credit card details.  </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Hey guess what. We're trending. </p>
<hr/><p>Hakuba: Hattori I will murder you in your sleep. </p><p>Hattori:🖕</p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p> </p><p> Kudo🥰🥰🥰🥰: Why did you think outing Hakuba when he's already outspokenly bi on Twitter was a good idea that would have any impact aside from making you look like a dick</p><p>Hattori: because he had already came out and I didn't want to reveal something that would ruin is life. </p><p> Kudo🥰🥰🥰🥰: Hattori you're so fucking stupid. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: It's not France but I think I found us the perfect place to move in just us and Baaya and the kids. </p><p>Kaito: and the cats and the dog</p><p>Kaito: And the fish although that room can double as your office that I never go into and we simply purchase the best noise canceling headphones we can find </p><p>Kaito: I mostly just think things are getting awkward now that Mister Hakuba is beginning to get suspious that we might be dating. Sharing a bed and having two kids and the terms of affection must be very strong hints.</p><p>Saguru: Very fair. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I counted the cats today and I think we have more than last week. I just don't remember bringing in more cats. And I always get them fixed before I introduce them to the others so not like there's any surprises. </p><p>Kaito: I don't know anything about that either. </p><p>Saguru: :&lt;</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: This month has been a hate crime but it's been so entertaining compared to the rest of 2020.</p><p>Saguru: Something clearly happened online if you're rewatching every show you've mentioned you hated but in Spanish. </p><p>Kaito: Exactly. </p><p>Saguru: who hurt you</p>
<hr/><p> Kaito: I was just there, finishing up the house inspection</p><p>Kaito: The realtor doesn't know I'm here but I had worn a mask and have social distanced from the fridge</p><p>Kaito: And I just got an email alert. </p><p>Kaito: You updated the Holmes/Watson fic.</p><p>Kaito: I didn't know you remembered how to post to AO3</p><p>Saguru: ✌️</p><p>Kaito: hey, it's rude to flip off the love of your life. 🥺</p><p>Saguru: Now update your fic</p><p>Kaito: never.</p>
<hr/><p>Hattori: How has this not bothered you in any way. </p><p>Hakuba: oh no now the world knows I'm a sap for my boyfriend. How will I ever deal. </p><p>Hattori: Keep up the sarcasm and I may just start to like you. </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the drop off and super short chapter but for those that have refequented the right areas of the internet hasn't this month been great? It's certainly been trying to have this fic be a balance of relevant but not incomprehensible to readers 10 years from now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Saguru: I can't show you it because she wants you to find it yourself but Aoko nee-chan has a AO3 and she's in one of your fandoms </p>
  <p>Kaito: </p>
  <p>Kaito: What. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Tell her to unblock me for two minutes.  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> Kaito: How could you. </p>
  <p>Aoko: Kaito any time I told you I liked something you'd like you'd call me silly and flip my skirt. </p>
  <p>Kaito: 😶😶😶😶</p>
  <p>Kaito: Aoko I am so sorry. I was a fucking prick and I'm sorry I was a terrible friend. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I should have treated you better. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I also probably should have told you I was KID instead of lying to your face all the time. </p>
  <p>Kaito: But thanks to Saguru I have improved as a person so I how I can make it up to you. </p>
  <p>Aoko: YOU WERE KID!!!!!!????</p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh dear. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Aoko blocked me again. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Tragic. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: So since I have too much money for my own good I thought I'd DNA test the dog. </p>
  <p>Kaito: And? </p>
  <p>Saguru: It's not a dog after all. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh a cat then after all. </p>
  <p>Saguru: not a cat either. </p>
  <p>Kaito: ????</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: What color should I dye my hair next? Purple? Red? </p>
  <p>Kaito: Answer the question about our mystery species pet. </p>
  <p>Saguru: no</p>
  <p>Saguru: What color?</p>
  <p>Kaito: Try another shade of blue since you still have most of the blue left in your hair and it would look epic together. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Now what is up with the not-dog? </p>
  <p>Saguru: :)</p>
  <p>Kaito: oh so you're still upset about the couch then</p>
  <p>Saguru: :)</p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: We're for sure past the honeymoon stage. We're bickering again.  </p><p>Saguru: Is that upsetting? I can tone it down if that makes you happier. </p><p>Kaito: Nope! I feel like it isn't us without a bit of bickering. </p><p>Saguru: ❤️</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Your greenhouse is actually really nice. </p><p>Kaito: I am going to live here now.  </p><p>Saguru: But we're buying a house???</p><p>Kaito: oh yeah. </p><p>Kaito: Wow that's a big Venus flytrap. </p><p>Saguru: Don't go near it. </p><p>Kaito: That's really sus, not gonna lie. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: I just realized you don't know my tragic backstory. Where do I start? Foster brother relocated himself by faking his death? Further back when my foster cousin got eaten by his house. My parents? </p><p>Kaito: There's a lot to unpack there. Let's wait until the junk food order gets in later today. Sugar may be helpful. </p><p>Kaito: What what do you mean your cousin got vored by his house????!</p><p>Saguru: Do not use that word. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: My dad sent me a letter from prison. </p><p>Saguru: Oh so that's what the rat was eating. I had wondered. </p><p>Kaito: 😳</p><p>Kaito: Its a rat???</p><p>Kaito: A Rat</p><p>Kaito: Big girl. </p><p>Kaito: Biggest rat girl. </p><p>Kaito: Sorry I need a minute to process this. </p><p>Saguru: Take your time. </p><p>Kaito: How did a New York rat end up in Japan and learn how to play fetch and burry pocket watches. </p><p>Saguru: Your guess is as good as mine.  </p><p>Kaito: How did the cats not catch on??</p><p>Saguru: You've seen the size of her. They were clearly too scared to try. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: I still think it's wild that I started last year trying to avenge my dad and hating you, now this year I'm hating my dad and loving you. </p><p>Saguru: I hope this time next year that has stayed the same. </p><p>Saguru: But I have a gun trained on this year. I don't trust it for a fucking second.  </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"foster cousin got eaten by his house" Okay, I am allowed two Coronation Day jokes. </p><p>Happy new year, nothing's changed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: I'm sorry I laughed. </p>
  <p>Kaito: <a href="https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ">https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ</a></p>
  <p>Kaito: That yell of anger I just heard does not sit well with me. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I just expected your English name to be some old person name.</p>
  <p>Kaito: Sunny is a great name. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I was just caught off guard. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Baby, talk to me. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Saguru isn't talking to me.</p>
  <p>New Snake Dad: What did you do this time? </p>
  <p>Kaito: I laughed at his English name. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Which is Sunny. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I just expected with both sides of his family being old money and even his brother having a super pretencious name he would have one too. </p>
  <p>New Snake Dad: I mean. It's a valid assumption.</p>
  <p>Kaito: oh wait he finally texted me back. He's hiding in the finny things room so I cannot enter. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: At least I'm not named after my father's profession.</p>
  <p>Saguru: Wait. Shit. I am. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Fuck. </p>
  <p>Kaito: It's alright, it happens to the best of us. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Can you have his brother text him. I think he needs something else to be bitter over to cheer him up. </p>
  <p>New Snake Dad: Do I look like his brother's minder. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I know you two are doing adult things together. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Like taxes and drinking water. </p>
  <p>New Snake Dad: Bold of you to assume I pay taxes. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: My brother is texting nonsense at me. I've had too much catnip tea to be able to process this. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Are you happy now? </p>
  <p>Saguru: No. Still mad. </p>
  <p>Kaito: :(</p>
  <p>Kaito: I'll put the couch back in its proper place. </p>
  <p>Saguru: :)</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Looks like I won't be sleeping on the couch after all. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Mister Kuroba Kaito right here, master of relationships. </p>
  <p>New Snake Dad: You're twenty-two so I would assume you would have figured some stuff by now. </p>
  <p>Kaito: 🤗</p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Saguru's English name in any of my works is Sunny, leading to this chapter's joke. </p><p>As well I'm still Snake's number one fan and will keep giving him more dynamic  characterization if Gosho won't.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote><p>Kaito: Have I ever mentioned how much I love you. </p><p>Saguru: Repeatedly. Every day. </p><p>Kaito: The way Koizumi's face twisted when you pulled out tarot cards is forever in my heart. </p><p>Saguru: 😔 The only downside is that now I am in her bad books. </p><p>Kaito: The price to pay for a prank. </p><p>Saguru: She is now stubbornly trying to teach me 'real magic' I don't understand jokes very well myself so how do I explain to her that I am an actual witch and not just my mum's capital B. </p><p>Kaito: 😕</p><p>Saguru: Not that tarot cards aren't useful in certain hands. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Never really expected to have my 20s be this happy. </p><p>Saguru: Sure there's a pandemic going on but it's been fun being with you. </p><p>Kaito: Still can't believe I'm an adult. Doing cool adult stuff like children and marriage and buying a house. </p><p>Kaito: Who allowed that. </p>
<hr/><p>Aoko: What will you be doing with your old house? </p><p>Kaito: I'd torch it but that would lower the property value. </p><p>Aoko: I mean you're not wrong. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Kaito what did you do. </p><p>Saguru: My brother just talked about filing his taxes. </p><p>Saguru: You were supposed to become more of a criminal, not reform them. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Kaito? You haven't texted me back in a bit. Should I come downstairs and check on you?</p><p>Kaito: Maybe I should have read my dad's letter.</p><p>Kaito: Honestly how dare he.</p><p>Kaito: Come downstairs. </p></blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The guard that usually stood at his cell door walked by the cell thumbing through a wad of cash, cluckiling. Never a good sign in a prison.  Believe him, the utterly nonsense word best described the situation.</p>
<p>Toichi knew how this would go. The cameras were probably already turned off. </p>
<p>Foot steps approached, and Toichi faced down the people he had annoyed most in the world. </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Hattori: Honestly never thought you had it in you. </p>
  <p>Hattori: Of course you'd know all the ways, seeing even though you're a shitty detective you still know a lot of what goes on with crime. </p>
  <p>S.Kurobastard: Rude.</p>
  <p>K.Kurobastard: All we did was tie him to another flag pole. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Aoko: I saw the news. What did he do????</p>
  <p>Kaito: We're going to do a reveal when we actually know what the fuck to do. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Don't worry it's not bad. </p>
  <p>Kaito: My dad is just a bastard for expecting us to be alright with this so suddenly.  </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: I want a dog. For real and not just our confusion over Annabelle. </p>
  <p>Kaito: We really should have noticed she was a rat sooner. We are not smart.</p>
  <p>Kaito: But why a dog when the rat is perfectly capable of acting just like one. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Fair point. But collection. 🐕</p>
  <p>Kaito: Have I ever mentioned how I love that you have dropped all pretense of consitant formal texting? </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Being the one to go shopping for supplies instead of you for once is odd. It's been awhile since I left the mansion grounds aside to go beat up my dad.  </p>
  <p>Kaito: How is the little suprise doing? </p>
  <p>Saguru: Fine. </p>
  <p>Saguru: I have a meeting with Koizumi tonight. Pick me up more tarrot cards? </p>
  <p>Kaito: Causing problems on purpose is very delightful. </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry, Toichi's little suprise to SaguKai will be revealed eventually. I'm just stuck on finding the proper punchline to reveal it. Although there are many hints here and before, and some of those who have read a couple certain other stories of mine might have already guessed it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>Saguru: Presenting...</p><p>Saguru: *picture* </p><p>Saguru: A baboo!</p><p>Heiji: My excitement for you is overrided by the utter whiplash of hearing you use 'baboo' in place of baby. What has Kuroba done to you.</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Self-growth is looking at anything I ever did before twenty and going "shut the fuck up brat" </p><p>Aoko: Oh same. </p><p>Kaito: *picture* </p><p>Kaito: Especially since I'm now a father of three. Saguru and I may only have one brain cell between us but I gotta be the one using now. </p><p>Aoko: OH MY GOD! ❤️❤️❤️</p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Hey mom </p><p>Kaito: Look what dad left me. I can tell it's not yours. </p><p>Kaito: *picture*</p><p>
    <em>Kaito has blocked Mom </em>
  </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: There are internet operated baby cribs??? Why? </p><p>Kaito: I could tweet from it! </p><p>Saguru: Or we just end up changing our location data with an app like when we pranked Aoko. </p><p>Kaito: This is very valid. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: #RIPKudoShinichi was our masterpiece. </p><p>Kaito: We should find a way to revive the tag. </p><p>Saguru: Did the ball to the face not get the point across not to anger the feral 23-come-13 year old..</p><p>Kaito: I'm willing to risk it.  </p><p>Kaito: If he comes near us again I'll just channel Maes Hughes from FMA and aggressively show off pictures of my kids. </p><p>Saguru: That's a poor outcome. </p>
<hr/><p>Saguru: Out of curiosity I took the ring off Watson and she stayed a little girl. It seems it's either permanent or at least not fully connected to the ring anymore. I should look into ways she could change back and forth whenever.  </p><p>Kaito: I want that ring back anyways. It shinny. </p>
<hr/><p>Kaito: Gosh I'm glad you're rich and can afford to move out all our stuff cause I really did move in, didn't I? I have so much of my stuff here.  </p><p>Kaito: So many craft supplies. </p><p>Kaito: hey have you mentioned to your not-dad that you're moving out since you're now practically married, with three kids. </p><p>Saguru: Maybe one day. </p></blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In many of my AUs where I age Saguru and Kaito into their 20s and older, Kaito has a half-brother through Toichi twenty two years younger than him that usually gets raised by Saguru, so now they get to be dads to that kid together here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Been busy with packing to move. But I didn't forget about finishing this fic. Totally not.  Yeah.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kaito: I hate going into public. Even if it's to get more keys to the house cut which we needed. </p>
  <p>Kaito: It's been a year of this pandemic. Why can't people wear their masks over their noses. </p>
  <p>Saguru: To say nothing of the woman I saw with just her nose covered. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh no. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p> Saguru: You know, Aoko and I never actually told Nakamori I'm his son. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I wanna be there when you tell him. </p>
  <p>Kaito: With a video camera. </p>
  <p>Kaito: Tasteless? Yes. But it comes out of a place of love. He's like an uncle to me.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p> Kaito: Okay you win. This house does have a pretty big yard. We can get a medium sized dog as long as it gets along with the cats and the rat since they were here first. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Satisfactory. I promise I will not yearn for more animals after this as we may not always be rich people</p>
  <p>Kaito: All our appliances are about as dumb as we are. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Saguru: Looking back at our old texts, we've changed so much. </p>
  <p>Kaito: We're happier and more comfortable with each other is what. </p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Kaito: Aoko wants me to dress up in the KID suit for the wedding. She says it'd be funny. </p>
  <p>Saguru: Wedding? </p>
  <p>Kaito: Oh so that's what I didn't do last night. </p>
  <p>Kaito: I even got a not-cursed ring. </p>
  <p>Saguru: 🥰</p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For the second time, this is the end. I'm ending fics where I can so I feel less bad about my moving induced hiatus. Will there be yet another revival? Probably not unless the pandemic gives something interesting.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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